I was sure I would easily and quickly write this post. As I finished typing the heading, well what I think it should be, I stared at my blank page longer than I expected to say something.
… about me in a box exposing myself.
“Get yourself out there!” they say. “People need to know you on social media.” “Social media presence is needed.” “You need EXPOSURE!”
Unless referring to the amount of light you let in through your camera lens, if one looks up the word exposure in the dictionary it is quite negative.
Unfortunately, the cursive text above is true. As an artist you can create your best work or even your worst….but what will sell it is the perception of value. It should be worth sharing or saying the “I bought this”, “I own a ….” to have more value. The more likes and the more shares, it must be great work.
We all know this and play along with that or are fooled by it.
And yet there is the artist still needing to get up and do it again and again and keep doing it again and again. Exposing his or her thoughts, feelings, dreams and emotions in song, film, dance, theatre, paint or any other creative medium these souls have come up with. Regardless of the judgement and criticism it might receive. Or even worse…the silence…not even disapproval.
So, I decided to go along with the thought and at least be creative about it. I am going to say do share this, criticize this, love it or hate it, but just put it out there. I mean for this first shot I did literally go put myself in a box with one of my paintings and exposed myself.
I am going to let you fill in the blanks and dots about how and why I ended up with the below image. It is quite an experience running back and forth between your camera on self-timer in a shipping container yard. It is the first of a series I will be releasing of me exposing myself and my work. This one safe for social media and “according to community guidelines”.
More to come from my censored exposure series. Would love to hear your thoughts?!
The heart and mind shift from the one to the other… into light and darkness.
“Allow yourself to experience both”, I tell myself. “That is when creativity, love and magic start to blossom.”
My journey has been an interesting one since my last blog post. Will share someday...but for now let me just start by posting something. At least I am posting… for me, after all this time is a damn good start to just start.
In a dark room I sat, looking out into the brightly lit up garden at night. Reflecting on the past year.
And there I sat for a long time, till late into the night. I finally picked up my phone and decided to create a one minute video. And here it is, creating by shifting into the light and the dark.
It’s a start! A start for creativity, love and magic to blossom!
And oooh has it started! :)
As some might know by now I start my day with a conversation with myself looking at the naked person in the mirror.
This morning I looked different though. The reflection staring back to me was just and image. It looked alive but in reality it had no blood flowing though it’s veins. No heart and no brain behind those eyes processing any thought. In the reflection I could see myself completely as I am, yet in reality it was maybe a millimeter in thickness and pretty flat stuck to a wall.
It seemed so real.
By the time I was in the taxi on my way to work I was pretty tired of the conversation I have been having. They can start long before I get to the mirror. This morning, just after 06h00 it started and the conversation can get pretty intense. So apologies to those people that I sometime do that to. I can be too much. I assume everyone goes through these thoughts and conversations at times. I think it is normal to question my thoughts and then sometimes start questioning the thoughts of others long before the conversation has started.
Why am I bringing this up. Well while sitting in the taxi looking at the strangers around me I was wondering what is going on in their minds. Was wondering if they were having a similar conversation. And then I remembered childhood imaginary friends. Don’t know if every child has one or goes through that phase of their lives? I did. Mine did not not have a name as it wasn’t just one person. It was always a complete audience floating around me like in a auditorium type setting. They were just there and they listened. Yes little weird...but I could talk to them for hours.
Do you remember your imaginary friend or friends? Hahaha maybe we should introduce them to each other. Stop being so adult about life for a while and keep it simple. It’s been some time since I have had a conversation with mine.
It’s now a Friday afternoon and just about weekend and looking forward to going up the mountain tomorrow with the little people in my life. Forget about the corporate wheel and go and play. I will say go and chat with your imaginary friend. I will bet you he or she is still there and will simply say: “Hey there! That has been some time!” and then smile.
My reflection smiled this morning. It did when it had a little breakthrough in our conversation. :)
It seemed so so so real!
While brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror this morning, as usual the mind started to wander. And it has been a while since I have had that need to clarify for myself and put it down on paper.
As I looked at my naked self I was reminded of a lesson I was taught by one of the best photographers I know. I got the job as an assistant in the studio with a silly little portfolio of photographs I took with the tiny Panasonic camera that Lara Croft used in the movie "The Cradle of Life". I won it by answering a question on 5FM Radio one night and when it arrived started snapping away.
But when I arrived at work at the studio the one day with my Dad's Russian Zenit-E manual film camera, just recklessly snapping away became a different story.
"Learn both sides of the camera" was what I was told. " Take self portraits."
I remember the giggles from behind the light screen, where the office space was, at me running up and down in the studio to take the shots in time with the manual timer the camera had. You could hear it ticking. And sure still can, just have not used that camera for a while.
Self portraits or "selfies" as they are called now became a pass time joy in my life. But the lesson I learned, still has meaning today. And every day life in my life. You might not be using Lara Croft's digital Panasonic or my Dad's Zenit-E, but you do have lenses you are looking through.
So to those desperate that last weekend before Valentine's day in search for love.
Learn both sides of the lens. And learn to laugh at yourself. It might suprprise you what you see!
You are pretty awesome!
One evening in the garden under the evening sky stood a father and his son. His father pointed out a row of birds flying over in a certain direction and said: “In about 3 days’ time the rain will be here”. Those were 3 long days that followed….But the rain came!
Hahaha Think my parents were secret hippies .
This week I got to show those birds flying over 3 days before the rain to my neighbour while were sitting in the garden. I started doubting myself yesterday when I went out for a walk, but this morning when I heard the thunder and showers coming down. I had a big smile!!
That smile was not because Cape Town has gotten some rain that it desperately needs, but because of all the blessings I have received for so many years from two beautiful people that brought me into this life. And the wisdom a now 80 year old man his given me, his son.
First day of official work leave and I wake up at the witching hour.
Apparently it is sleep paralysis… dear Kaje, my childhood pet cat, jumps on my bed and tries to snuggle up... Yes she has passed away many moons ago but does this every couple of months.
And then…. does she or is it just me?
Not sure who the person was tugging at my bed covers while trying to create my home into a normal space after her visit and trying to go back to sleep…
Quoting the web: Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which an individual, either during falling asleep or awakening, briefly experiences an inability to move, speak, or react. It is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep.
Don’t… or do look up anything else about it…that’s up to you (some aerie fairy stuff out there…).
Some say its genetic, astral traveling etc …. and it will explain the hallucinations, the REM dream state transitions and the chemicals that are supposed to paralyze your body while dreaming so that you do not react to what you are dreaming at that time.…(something sleep walkers lack ability at times) blah blah blah blah etc…. I wake up in shock, confused and I used to be a lot more scared…now it’s almost “oh” it happened again.
I remember hearing the struggles of my mother some afternoon after school during my teens. She would take a nap (obviously tired of my crap) and I would end up waking her out of her “spell”…it seemed to be a little secret between us for many years. Very unknowingly and not intentional, but it was just one of those things. Little did I know then I would get them many moons later.
Anyway…so today my first day of leave at the end of this year after one of those nights I decided to make a list of nothing to do and watch the street through the window of my favourite bar. Two friends eventually joined and tell me about their strange nights and cats visiting their homes. Meanwhile while they were at work I spent most of my day watching a dog sleeping in a doorway.
Perhaps doesn’t make any sense, but let us let your dreams be your dreams. And may they come true…but
Guess what I am saying is what I have learned from 2016 is to: ACCEPT who you were MEANT to be!!! …(and not who you are…)....it creates a happier you...
So here we are
Here I am
And there you are
I come from my tree and you from yours
And here we are
And there he is
Who is he
And does him and us make us who we are
In the silence we sit
And the light we give him to play
Does that allow us or him to be
Yet no song is sung
About who we are
But music is played
So here we are
I am here
And you are there
In silence we sit
And so we are
Without words we are
And yet the wordless song is played
Singing about who we are
And who he is
And the tree we were meant to be
While brushing my teeth and looking out the back door this morning I saw an early morning star twinkling up in the sky. As I moved it disappeared. And when I moved back there it was again?
Guess my coffee kicked and and realised it was the water droplets on a leave that was lit up by the monstrous construction site crane across the road.
Its all about the perspective you take they say....well think I will always choose the star.
I almost forgot I had a blog...
So what was the something new I wanted to do with my street painting?
It was walking through the paint and see if people would join...from there finish it off with a stem to create a flower.
This is what happened in Bellville, Langa and back home in Obz. (unfortunately no pics at the moment from Langa...which was the most fun)
And then my attempt at water lilies.
Already itching for the next